Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
