So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
