my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
