I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
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I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
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All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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