Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
