He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
