You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
