Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
