____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
