why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
