My friends, they love my intelligence
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
