how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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