You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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