My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
