when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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