omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Do you still have your period?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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