FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My balls are so social today.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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