Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
