he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
