Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
