I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
