Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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