it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
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I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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