Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
