I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
