You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
