I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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