You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
