these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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