I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
