think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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