what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
