bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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