in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
