The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
