you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
