you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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