She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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