as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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