Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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