Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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