I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
