She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
