She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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