you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
