Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
