she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
