You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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