perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
