what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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