Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
