you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
