so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
