I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
