Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
